In memory of my sweet mama! This is my sweet sweet mama Darlene...My beautiful mom only 4 months ago at my son's 6th b-day party. ...who is home with Jesus now. Everyone who met her felt loved, felt important and felt the presence of Jesus. I am so happy the Lord picked me to be her daughter...and oh how I am going to miss her!!One week ago today around 11:40am, my mom breathed her last breath and entered the kingdom of Heaven! And Heaven welcomed the most beautiful and amazing woman that day! I can just see her standing before the throne of her sweet Jesus praising Him with arms raised and the biggest smile ever!I wanted to tell you the story of this last month. I think it's important for me to tell it because now that I can look back, there are so many ways I can see Jesus' faithful hand guiding every step...all the way to her last breath. I'm going to share with you a lot of medical stuff, but it's so you can walk this road with me and so hopefully the light of the Lord will be seen more brightly amidst the darkness of the circumstances.
My mom and dad with her brother (far left) and his wife as well as my son, daughter and nephew (about 3.5 years ago)It's crazy how your life can be tossed upside down in less than a month and how incredibly fast everything can change. Yet, the one constant is my sweet Jesus and His love for me and my family! He was our rock, our strong tower, our refuge and my strength! The storm was great, the wind never gave up, but my Lord held us close and whispered, "Fear not, for I am with you!" I cannot imagine walking this road without Him.
On August 27th my mom went in for a hysterectomy surgery to remove what looked like the beginnings of ovarian cancer. I felt confident that the surgery would be simple and they would get everything due to what I had heard from my parents and the doctors. My sister told me that upon entering the operating room, my mom said she had total peace and was even witnessing to the nurses about her sweet Jesus. That nurse told my sister that "she is one of the sweetest women she had ever met!" Two hours into surgery, I got a call from my sister and dad saying the doctors brought them into a special room and something was wrong with mom. Within a few minutes, the docs told us that my mom's abdomen was filled with cancer and that the cancer was probably small intestinal cancer that had spread to her ovary and her liver. We were all shocked to say the least. The situation looked grave. We let mom come out of the anesthesia for a good day before letting her know a small piece of the puzzle...that there was more cancer than we thought and they are biopsying it. We kept details pretty simple for her. Another day later two of the surgeons came in and told mom that it was probably Carcinoid cancer which is a very slow growing cancer and that there were some treatments for it that could extend her life for many years. It looked like she had had it for many years without diagnosis. My mom over the past 8 years has had a lot of health issues that have seemed to been random and more food allergy related. Now we know it was this cancer.
A few days later she went home...a little early I felt...but home she came nonetheless. The docs/nurses kept saying it's good to get out of the hospital less you catch something else! A little for-shadowing. For a few days she started to eat a few bites of food, but shortly there after, her abdomen started filling with fluid. It was so weird! My dad took her up early for a post-op apt because she wasn't wanting to eat anymore and was so huge and uncomfortable. The surgeon just looked at her and basically said, it's acides (cancer fluid) and to play strong for Monday's apt with the oncologists so perhaps you can start chemo early. He didn't do an ultrasound, check her blood or anything. For the past few weeks I've been so angry at that doctor. But now, I realize it was a blessing in disguise because if they would have done those tests, they would have kept her in Portland...an hour from my dad, their home, church and friends. The Lord works even in what seems bad in order to turn them around for good.
I went down to Salem the next day, Saturday the 6th of Sept., and she looked horrible. Weaker, fuller and not wanting to eat. I told dad we should get her to the hospital but he felt he was just with a doc and had only until Monday to wait to see the oncologist so we decided to see if we could get through the rest of the weekend. But, the next morning, Sunday, Sept. 7th, my parent's 45th anniversary, my dad called to have me come to the house asap. He couldn't move mom much anymore and she was in bad shape. I got there within an hour and it took both of us to get her into the car. She was hurting so much and so incredibly weak. When my mom had the surgery on the 27th, she was the smallest I had ever seen her. She couldn't have been more than 110lbs. But all the fluid made her so heavy.
We got to the ER and they rushed us right in. By the end of the day we found out mom had a full system infection (probably gotten from surgery or the hospital in Portland), her kidneys were failing, her blood pressure was unstable and they pumped 4 liters of fluid from her stomach. We thought we were in good hands and things were going to be okay...at least I had some hope since she felt so much better by the end of the day getting the fluid off. She said she felt like a new woman. I left that night feeling hopeful...that the docs were going to give her some antibiotics and she'd stay for a few days and be back to healing up. What a roller coaster this was becoming.
Over the next week, her abdomen continued to fill and needed to be emptied almost daily. Her blood pressure continued to plummet, we were in this crazy cycle and none of the doctors could figure it out. I would get texts and calls in the middle of the night. It was as if at anytime she could go. I literally felt like we had zero control and were in a corner and no body knew what was going on. They'd empty her (taking her nutrients with it) and her blood pressure would drop. They'd leave it and she wouldn't eat and her kidneys would be in trouble because it was too much. We prayed constantly for wisdom. The docs were baffled because the kind of cancer she had didn't produce fluid like that...and it was full of infection...and the antibiotics weren't doing anything. Yes...looking back, the Lord's merciful hand was there guiding every step.
A week or so after being in the hospital, they realized she had a heart defect...a leaky valve...totally separate from the cancer but they felt could have been caused from years of cancer and blood pressure issues. Again, she had signs for this defect over the past year or two...but we never realized that's what it was. What had started happening was after the surgery, as her body weakened, so did that valve. It couldn't keep up with the blood flow, so some of the fluid/blood it was trying to pump would fall back into the body. Now we had another big problem...that couldn't be fixed...she couldn't do another surgery...it was the perfect storm.
So, for the next week, nutrition became the biggest issue. She still wasn't eating much at all. We kept thinking if she could eat, she could heal faster and get stronger and the heart valve would do a better job and then she could eventually do chemo. That was our hope. During this time I was spending as much time as I could with her and my husband was taking the slack. Oh, I am so thankful for him and the ways he held us all together. He was such a strength to me and I praise the Lord for him. I was able to hold her, love on her and just be a presence in the room for her...what tender moments!
My mom and dad with their grand kids about 5 years agoA wonderful doc from oncology moved my mom from ICU where she was too heavily drugged to care about nutrition and wasn't moving enough. He said he knew they needed to get her eating and moving and that was our last chance to get her strong. They tried to work with her but trying to juggle the fluid, the blood pressure, the kidneys the bowel issues due to cancer and the infection that was still raging began to look impossible. She had the perfect storm. Yet...the Lord was in control the entire time. I can see that now. He gave us three weeks to love on her, encourage her, read scriptures to her, sing her favorite songs, tell her Mimi stories, how much we loved her, how important she was so so many people. Her brother got to visit for a few days, my brother from AZ got to hang out with her a few days...both which gave me a much needed break from being at the hospital constantly. Yes, they were incredibly hard days and she was hurting a lot of it...but it was precious time...it gave us all time to say good-bye...even though we didn't realize it at the time.
This past Tuesday, dad called me to Salem again because mom had the worst night and he needed me. We met with doctors and they basically called a time out. Things weren't working, she was getting worse daily. Her body wasn't absorbing nutrition and even the feeding tube was just pooling fluid in her stomach. They said we need to think about what mom would want...how she would want to spend her last days...because that's what it was...days. It was earth shattering to hear that. We had always been so hopeful despite the situation. Now we had to tell her...she was going to go home to be with Jesus soon and we were going to take her home to her house for her last few days. So many tears that day. But the Lord gave comfort...so much comfort.
Wednesday at the hospital consisted of visits from several of her doctors. They all came in to say how much they enjoyed meeting mom and how sorry they were. My mom ministered to every one of them. She told them about her Jesus and her walk with Him and how she knew where she was going. Until the end, my mom tried to comfort everyone else!! She had such peace. I asked her at one point what I could do for her and she said, "I need to write everyone at church a note to tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me! I want to know all the names of the nurses and doctors so I can tell them thank you for their help!" That's my mom...thinking of how she can love on and comfort others!! She touched and loved everyone she met. What an incredible example to me!! I pray I can do that more...share Jesus with such boldness and love!
We moved her home Thursday morning and the Lord gave us the most beautiful day! Mom had been staring at a white board for the past 13 days in the hospital...without being able to see out her tiny window. My sister was with her during transport and had the guys pull over and stop for a few minutes when my mom's face was in the sun...she was LOVING feeling the sun on her face! A gift from her Lord. We placed her in the front room of her house, in front of the big windows, so she could see out over the fields and her beautiful flowers. It was beautiful! She looked like she was so happy to be home...she had a peace about her which was wonderful. It was another gift and confirmation we were doing the right thing!! I thank Jesus for those doctors who helped guide us through that hard decision. It was exactly where she wanted and needed to be!!
My daughter, Raquelle, was there when she came home and she was able to curl up in bed with my mom. She laid there for 45 min. in her arms, crying tears of sadness and love. Even though my mom was slightly out of it, the Lord gave her enough energy to kiss and hold my precious girl and to sing her a little song. My sweet girl said good-bye to her Mimi and my wonderful mother-in-law was there to wrap her up and take her home. It was an amazingly hard, but again beautiful moment and I will treasure that forever!! The hardest thing about all of this is my sweet sweet kiddos...that they won't know how precious their Mimi was. Raquelle will remember to a degree...but she's still so young.
My mom with Raquelle about 5 years ago...oh she loved her babies!Friday the Lord brought us another beautiful gift. A sweet angel named Jillian came to the house to play some music for my mom. She is a music therapist for the hospice program. She had this incredibly gentle, gracious, beautiful presence about her. She talked gently with my mom and was patient as it was hard for my mom to get words out at this point. She began playing "Heaven came down and glory filled my soul..." It sounded like Heaven opened and literally came down into that room. We all started to cry because it was such a powerful moment. My dad had to leave the room because it was so overwhelming. It was the most beautiful, precious moment I've ever had! Her voice was like an angle and my mom's face lit up...she smiled and closed her eyes with such joy and peace. I prayed and prayed that the Lord would take her right then...so that she could go from one heaven to the next!! But He didn't...He allowed us to all experience that moment together...as a gift...as a way to remember her in such a beautiful, peaceful way. I will remember that sweet angel and her music forever! I was almost jealous that this woman had been so gifted, and was using her gifting to bless people in such a profound way! What a ministry!! After playing 7 or 8 more songs and chatting, she said it was time for her to go. When she left, she was so moved and leaned down and whispered something into my moms ear and gave her a kiss. My mom kissed her back a few times and Jillian stood up and said, "This is a woman of deep grace!" She walked out of the home saying that she felt like she had been wrapped up in a warm blanket. That's exactly how we all felt. Heaven had come down and glory had filled our souls! I praise Him for such a sweet and beautiful moment.
Within a few hours, my mom slipped further and became non-responsive. Her breathing became more inconsistent and labored. My sister couldn't stay in the room with her anymore...it was too hard for her. She ended up leaving the next day. Janet, my mom's sweet friend of 40 years, was there with us since Thursday so she, dad and I continued singing to her, reading to her, holding her and being present. We felt like she could go anytime. We continued to tell her how much we loved her, that there was nothing left for her here...that her sweet Savior was calling her home. I stayed with her on the couch through the night Thursday and Friday giving her medicine, listening to her breathe, holding her hand and singing to her at 2am! :) It was such a sweet time for me...alone with my mom in the night telling her how much I loved her. I remember my mom staying up with me, holding me through the long nights, when I was little. I was sick a lot and she was always there with such tenderness. The tables were turned and how thankful I was to hold her!
Saturday afternoon and evening was long...but again, precious. We were petitioning with the Lord to take her home. I wanted to leave so many times. I wanted to curl up in the arms of my husband and the comfort of my home. It was so hard to be there...but I knew I needed to be there. Janet stayed with her Saturday night because I was so exhausted and needed to get a few hours of sleep. We all got up Sunday morning a little depressed. We were SO tired and completely exhausted. We just couldn't figure out why the Lord hadn't taken her yet. We joked that maybe she was waiting for the Lord's day...it was mom's favorite day of the week. I read some scripture over breakfast and told Janet and dad I felt this was a spiritual battle. We battle not against flesh and blood, but principalities. The enemy would want us to be discouraged and depressed. We needed to pray against that! My dad called one of his Shepherding group leaders that morning and told them we needed people to pray the Lord takes her home today. That they should not be angry or discouraged, but to pray with us that she would be delivered into her new home. Their shepherding group meets between 11am-12pm. After my dad hung up, Janet said, "Watch...she's going to go home to be with the Lord between 11-12!" We all smiled thinking that would be so cool! She LOVED her shepherding group...loved the people, loved Sundays!!! How fun would that be I thought!
Around 11:30 we were sitting with mom, praying, reading scripture, Janet and I were singing. We could tell mom's heart rate was slowing and things were shifting a bit. My dad was looking at pics of my mom and said, "She should have her make-up on!" My mom LOVED wearing make-up! She used to do a lot of modeling when she was young and would never be seen without her red lips!! She even had my dad put on her red lips before my brother saw her! Oh, mom...I love you! Anyway, I had JUST been thinking that and was about ready to say that when he said it first. Janet immediately said "I was thinking the same thing!!!" :) Oh the Lord knows how to speak into people's heart when it's going to bring about His purpose! I love that!
I ran and grabbed her make up bag. I put some blush on her cheeks, did up her eyebrows like she likes them, and put on her eye make up. She took a big breath and all of a sudden, I noticed she didn't have a heart beat. We called dad over and I gave the lipstick to Janet and said, "Hurry Janet, she has to have her lips on!!!" Janet did up her lips quickly and as she was finishing, mom took one big last breath and was gone. At 11:40am on The Lord's Day, while her sweet friends prayed in her shepherding group, after she had her face on, she went to be with Jesus. The wave of emotion that swept over me was relief, shear joy and praise!!! I told my dad to turn the music on because it was time to celebrate!! As Janet and I were hugging and crying and praising Jesus, the music came over the speakers and Jeremy Camp's song, "There will be a day" came on! Again, it was like Jesus poured out His love upon us and comforted us by speaking that music into my heart with those words,
There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
It was perfect! Janet and I held each other singing those sweet lyrics knowing there were no more tears, no more pain, no more burdens...that she was face to face with her sweet Savior in His sweet arms!! It was powerful, beautiful and perfect.
I called my brother and he and I laughed...Jared said, "Mom could never leave the house without her make-up on!" It was also the first day of fall...her absolute favorite time of the year. The Lord was involved in every detail!! Earlier I had cried out Lord why is she still here...why haven't you taken her home?! And He answered me in those moments...He said, "Because I have a perfect plan! I'm in every detail of your life, I care about every moment. I see every tear and every hurt." His timing might not be in our timing...but it's always perfect, beautiful and right. He cares about how the lilies of the field are clothed and how my mom would enter the kingdom of Heaven. It overwhelmed me to feel that truth deep in my heart. He loves us, He cares about every detail and His plans are perfect! He loved my mom so much and had these final days perfectly planned to bless us all. He is so faithful!
It was also amazing to know that all those sweet people my mom loved in her church were with us in Spirit in that moment. They helped to usher her into the Kingdom of Heaven with their prayers. They stood with us in prayer for her in that exact moment...even though we were 20 minutes away. There were so many people that wanted to see mom, visit with her, hold her and touch her that weren't able to. The last three and a half weeks were truly a whirlwind! But, it was as if the Lord gave them the gift of being with us in that moment. Mom knew they loved her and she loved them all so much. And, they were with us in that moment...they were apart of that perfect departure. Again, thank you Jesus!Mom's surgery that started this avalanche of events was on August 27th, and the service to celebrate her life was on Friday, September 27th at 11am. In one month, through a huge series of crazy events my mom went to heaven and we got to celebrate her incredible life. I am so thankful the Lord orchestrated it all this way. If it wasn't for the heart issue and infection, she would have struggled with this cancer for potentially many years. It was God's sweet grace that He allowed all these things to happen...and to happen so quickly. I can see that now. At the time if felt overwhelming and out of control. But He had everything in control...everything! He gave us three weeks to say good-bye, to love her, to be with her, to mourn, to cry and to weep. And, although there will be many more moments of weeping, I am thankful it's not because she's in pain...it's because she left such a big imprint on all of our lives and will be greatly missed!!The morning after she passed away, I read in my devotional
7 The law of the Lord is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the Lord is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the Lord are firm,
and all of them are righteous.10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
11 By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward. Again, this was the Lord speaking deeply into my heart...challenging my soul. My mom gave me a hunger for His word over these past few weeks. She was refreshing to my soul, trustworthy, wise, she gave joy to the heart, light came from her eyes...all because she was a woman of the Word. She LOVED the word of God and because His word was more precious to her than gold, and sweeter than a honeycomb, she was rewarded with a life that bled Christ, with a beautiful departure and with a life we will always be impacted by.
She breathed God's love into others because He was living inside her. She would be the first to tell you she wasn't perfect! But she knew she was perfectly forgiven thanks to the work of Christ on the cross!! So she lived a victorious life! If you feel a void, if you feel like something is missing...it's Jesus! He made us all to crave Him...to know Him...to love Him. His word quenches the depths of our soul and feeds our broken hearts. He knows us...all of our sins and imperfections and yet died for us so that we could be free from them! Oh how He loves us!!! I pray whoever is reading this will feel His love for them! She touched hundreds of people because she was Jesus to them. I pray with the depths of my heart I can be more like that. That we would all hunger and thirst for the beautiful word of God so that the light, love, wisdom, peace and joy others see in us is Jesus in us...that we can be lights to this dark world...so that His love would shine to all we meet. It's all about people...and relationships. May we all be little "Darlene's" today. May we hunger and thirst for His word more than gold, so that it will change our lives, and the lives of those around us.
Thank you mom for your life, for your sacrifice, for your love, for giving me Jesus! Thank you for making me want to be a better mom and a woman who is more bold in my love for our Savior. I'm so happy for you...that you are face to face with Him in perfect peace!
Until we see each other again, I will always love you...forever!
My mom and dad with my three kiddos and nephew Jordan, 4 months ago celebrating my son's b-day.
Here is the tallest of the cakes! The center tier is 8" tall and 6" in diameter. I call this beauty my "Art Deco Cake" because of the beautiful scallops set against a dark gray scalloped background. I show you how to make this cake without any special cutters. You just need a circle cutter!! :) The flower is a wafer paper flower and I show you two variations of it. You can use wafer paper or edible image paper for either technique. I just love the transparency of wafer paper flowers! Something you just can't get with gumpaste!! - and they are SOOO easy to make!!
This next cake is one of my favorites! I love the colorful offset chevrons! There are five colors all stacked to make these beautiful vertical panels. The white, gold and silver are all luster dusted. The pics don't do it justice, but this cake is bold and sparkly! It's a pattern any guy would like! - it's my husband's fav of the class!! :) I also show how to make that simple little wall flower with one tear drop cutter. Such a sweet little flower!! Simple elegance...and easy, easy techniques! :)
Hexagons/honeycomb prints are SO hot right now! - and there are so many beautiful ways to use that pattern. I love bold colors and contrast so I threw in a few dark gray tiles into mine. The entire back of this cake is painted gold. It has two layers of hexagons. Such a fun cake! I can't wait to see your color combos with this design.And, this is another edible paper flower...with edible paper, not wafer paper. This is the second variation 
This is my "Hidden Design" cake. There is a design hidden away under the fondant that gives your this 3D look to it. There are endless possibilities on what designs you can put under there and I show you some simple techniques to apply designs onto the ganache crumb coat then cover it in fondant and still get razor sharp top edges with complex designs.The mint pinwheel flower is my new favorite modern looking flower! The front of the cake is actually to the right of the cake. The flower was supposed to sit off to the left so the mint squares rise up to the flower. But, it's all good! - you get the idea!! :) There are some fun variations you can do with this flower once you learn how to make the petals!! It's got a fun shape to it!!
These last two cakes are my silver leaf cakes!! I show how to apply silver leaf onto a cake and then give you some super fun, top secret, really easy ways to put silver leaf designs onto your cakes!!! Check out the "Lace Cake" above with beautiful silver leaf lace!! Or the cake below with the silver leaf polka dots!! SO much fun can be had with silver leaf...simple fun! :)And, here are two more flowers I show how to make. All without wires...easy, simple techniques with templates I provide and circle cutters! :)
Here's a close up of the wafer paper flower I make! :) OH I love this sweet thing!! It seriously would only take you about 30 min. to put this together!! It's so easy and so quick that you'll want to have it in your tool kit of ideas for those last minute cakes! :)
So, remember to click HERE for 50% off and to watch a little promo video about the class. You can also see some more pics and see the lessons laid out for you too! :) Now there is one more thing I just wanted to share with you!! Something the Lord really spoke to me after this class. When I was at Crafty filming this class, I hardly slept! The altitude caught up with me so bad in Denver that I literally cat napped throughout the night for 5 nights straight! I was SO upset! I was a walking zombie during the day and had SUCH a hard time focusing and getting my lines out and executing things the way I did at home this summer. I felt like I was back in the days of being up all night with an infant...only there was no sweet, chubby, cuddly thing for me to hold!! - just cakes! :)During filming, things went on crooked, I had to redo things multiple times, I messed up some of the finishes, I touched a cake right after I sprayed it, I did things in ways I wouldn't normally do them. We had to re-shoot things SO many times...way more than my first class...which was my FIRST class!!! I left there feeling like I had wasted such an amazing opportunity because I thought I literally train-wrecked the class. I was exhausted, emotional and felt so low when I got back home. I even told them I wanted to fly back and re-shoot a few things!!!Then...three days later, my mom had her surgery...and the Lord showed me what was important! - and it's NOT cakes!! :) We can get consumed with projects and making things perfect and doing everything with such intensity, that we forget to look up and see what's important. Our sweet Lord created us to be in relationship with Him and He created us to be in relationship with others. My joy will be full, my life will be complete when I have loved...and loved deeply. When I pour into others, I am filled. My mom was the most amazing example of that. She loved deeply and she had deep joy!! We can't see the future, we can't see why bad things happen. I may never understand why I felt the class went so horribly wrong and why my mom had to die. But, what I do know is that the Lord will be glorified. And He'll be glorified more in our weakness. When things seem out of control, when things seem like they can't go any worse, He shows up...walking on the waves during the storm. And He speaks into our hearts, "Do not be afraid for I am with you!" He knows the plans He has for me...for you! - and they are always meant to bless us and give us life.My husband told me some great truths when all this went down. He said, "Jessica, it's perfect your class went so bad because now if anything good comes of it, you know it's the Lord's hand of mercy and grace and you can't take the credit for it!" Amen!! How much more glory will HE receive when His strength is made perfect in our weakness!!That sweet husband of mine also told me something else that made all the craziness of the summer worth it. When I told him I felt like I wasted an opportunity because he had to "babysit" all summer while I worked on cakes, he said, "It wasn't wasted...I got to be with my kids all summer. I got to know them, deepen my relationship with them more than I ever would have had you not done the class!" He knew it was about relationships. And, if the only good thing that comes out of this class is my husband's amazingly wonderful and deep relationship with my kids, then it was worth messing up again!! :) :) See...we never know how the Lord will redeem something...how HE will take the bad and create something beautiful with it!My mom left me with an amazing passion for the Word of God and an even greater desire to share His love. That passion and that desire wouldn't have happened had she not passed away. It was a springboard for me...and it was such a gift. I'm going to miss her deeply, but her passing gave me such a huge desire to be the mom she was, to pour into my kids in a greater way, to turn off technology and pour into my relationships, to tell others about the marvelously wonderful love of Christ and how to know Him more deeply.So...bad things happen...but great things can be seen...better things are left in their place when we can stop and look at them. My sweet Jesus showed me how much He loves me and how much He wants my life to not just be lived for the here and now...for the things that burn...for the things that ultimately leave us bummed out and disappointed. He wants my life to be filled with deep joy that can only be found by HIS love, and sharing that love with others.Know Him, and find joy! Read His love letter to us and find a Savior that desires to pour out His love and forgiveness onto you!!With all my love,